ThinkGeek Apologizes to Pork Board After Cease and Desist Company: ThinkGeek Product: Radiant Farms Canned Unicorn Meat Geeknet, Inc. (NASDAQ: LNUX), the online network for the global geek community and parent company to ThinkGeek has announced its public apology to the (United States') National Pork Board for what it referred to as "unintended confusion surrounding unicorn meat versus pork." Recently, the National Pork Board issued a "cease and desist" warning to ThinkGeek, a Geeknet company and the premier retailer for the global geek community, regarding its exclusive product launch of "Radiant Farms Canned Unicorn Meat". In my opinion, ThinkGeek was obviously moving into a good position on cornering the market with the introduction of Unicorn meat to the global geek community in what, undoubtedly, would have been a springboard to the rest of the world. While no one is questioning the positive aspects of pork, the Unicorn meat canned by the Sisters at Radiant Farms was an entirely green resource, as it was made from Unicorns who had finished out their final years and died of natural causes, after being massaged daily with Guinness and fattened on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. Even the horn is ground down and added to the meat, adding a candied almond flavor to the already rich flavored meat, filled with sparkles, giggles and rainbows*. Sadly, the one mistake made by the interloping Geeknet was that they treaded a little too close to the National Pork Board's official slogan, "The Other White Meat," when they referred to Canned Unicorn as "The New White Meat." While Geeknet hid behind so-called "parody" laws, claiming their April 1st launch date of the Radiant Farms Canned Unicorn Meat to have some significance in that light, the attack on the Pork Board seems worse than they had intimated in the Cease and Desist. If you look at the phrasing of how they changed the slogan... "The NEW white meat". This doesn't merely assert that Unicorn is an "Other" white meat, but seems to intimate that it contrasts from Pork in that the Canned Unicorn Meat is, "New." By comparison, this would cast a sentiment that Pork is either "Old" as in passé, such as a company that would use the same slogan for, say, over 23 years... or that the meat itself is old, and these days, shelf-lives and expiration dates are no laughing matter. A mere Cease and Desist order based on a slogan is obviously not enough to shut down an up and coming meat source with so much benefit for man and which is so kind to the environment. However, when I attempted to order a can for only $9.99 USD, the Buy Now button redirected me to an "April Fools" page and I found that I was unable to place my order. It seems that there is something afoot here; a larger force of some sort appears to be attempting to suppress the introduction of Canned Unicorn Meat to the market. It's quite possible that the real story, here, is the story that no one's telling. At any rate, as part of their apology, ThinkGeek is offering a special discount to everyone who was offended with their portrayal of Unicorn Meat as "the new white meat." For a limited time, take $10 off any order of $40 or more by using the code PORKBOARD at checkout, good until 6/30/2010 at 11:59PM ET. We were unable to reach the Sisters or anyone else at Radiant Farms for comment as of this writing. *Independent studies indicate that Pork contains absolutely no sparkles or rainbows and has 30% fewer giggles, on average, than Unicorn meat. -Geck0, GameVortex Communications AKA Robert Perkins Related Links: (Unites States') National Pork Board Canned Unicorn Meat on ThinkGeek Discussion of Pork Board's Cease and Desist on ThinkGeek's Blog ThinkGeek's Apology to Pork Board (Full Press Release - in PDF) Bacon and Pork Related Products on ThinkGeek