The graphics in BattleTanx: Global Assault are decidedly bland and gray. Perhaps that’s part of the setting -- it is, after all, a post-apocalyptic world -- but nonetheless, even the snowy areas felt a bit too gritty for my taste. The various vehicle models range from relatively cool (your tank and some of the bigger enemy ones) to absolutely silly (most of the little pee-wee enemy tanks). The voice acting is actually pretty decent for a change, but the sound effects themselves are tinny and non-impressive. The font that 3D0 chose for the various text in the game is more childish than ‘extreme,’ which is somewhat bothersome. The music is flat and uninspired.

So is the gameplay. In BattleTanx: Global Assault, you’re out to save the world in a future where women are a rare commodity and your son is the key to it all. At least, that’s what the intro says. After that, you’ll find yourself mired in a series of sometimes insanely short, sometimes boringly long scenarios dealing with your escape from L.A. and beyond.

There are two major types of control scheme -- Arcade, where when you turn left and right with the D-pad, you slowly bank around, and The Zone, where you control each tread separately. Neither works. The Arcade mode’s turns are worse than the Titanic’s, and you end up getting broad-sided by the enemies just like the ship with that iceberg. Sad, really. I played the first few levels with this mode, saw it was getting absolutely nowhere, and switched. Oops.

Sure, I got farther. But the sensitivity of the analog pads (and buttons) to the tread movements made precision targeting almost impossible. I found myself swiveling constantly in an attempt to align myself properly with the enemy, all the while taking flak from them and dying.

The game itself is mediocre at best -- a mission-based system where you may find yourself trying to get from point A to point B, or stopping the enemies from getting to point C or blowing up point D, or whatever. The problem is that the game never really makes it worth your while. When they’re trying to blow up your convoy, they seem to never manage to. And if you die, you simply respawn, losing a few TankBux in buying a new tank to damage your enemy. And sometimes the respawn point is so far away from where the action was, it’s a boring drive to get back to the ‘fun.’

Now, I’ll have to admit, blowing up fuel trucks and using special weapons has its perks. But it’s been done better, and with more panache, by such games as the Vigilante 8 series and the early Twisted Metals. Unfortunately, BattleTanx is a weak effort in an already relatively-crowded genre of vehicular combat, and it does pretty poorly, compared to the rest of the games.

Sometimes the most difficult thing is trying to figure out why your tank keeps blowing up for no particular reason. The missions themselves are sometimes difficult, but more often they’re just tedious.

As stated before, BattleTanx: Global Assault has serious control issues. I got halfway used to them, but it still wasn’t much fun, because basically ‘getting used to’ meant ‘fighting them only half the time I played.’ After playing for a few hours, I still had problems targeting properly. It’s sad, really -- the plot and setting have a good post-apocalyptic bent that, done right, could present a really intriguing game. As is, it’s just a mediocre one. Unless you’re a total addict to the genre, avoid this one.