I don't often admit that I enjoy playing movie-games. It isn't because they are ever good, it is because I am always hoping that I will find the missing link between an excellent game and the film it is based on. I may have finally been taught a lesson thanks to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen on the PSP. Far and away, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the worst game I have played on the system and might be one of the worst games I have played ever, (beaten only by Deadly Towers on the NES.)

You see, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen tricks you into believing that it might be a decent port of the bigger games on Sony's hand-held. There is a pretty solid presentation early on involving the voice actors from the movie who reprise their roles in their respective robots. The shine quickly wears off when you realize that is the only point to the presentation. Static images or 3-D models (of what are essentially Menu screens) accompany the audio tracks to ill effect. You never see a movie where an Autobot or a Decepticon duke it out or even plan their course of attack; instead, you get a short dialogue screen with robots telling you what you need to accomplish in the next level.

Once you sit through all the Menu screens and an unbearably long loading time, you actually get to play some of the game. First impressions are pretty good. You start off as Bumblebee and his character model looks... okay, but once you start moving around the first area, it becomes very apparent that this isn't much better than an N64 game. Enemy designs are incredibly boring and are used repeatedly. Environments are always from a top-down point of view, and I still noticed perspective issues and horrendous animations. Parts of the level do not load in time, and there were more than a few instances where I was stuck on objects because of clipping issues. But the sound effects are the most annoying part of the entire experience.

Your character shoots repeatedly and there is only one sound when they shoot, so it is repeated ad nauseum. When a melee attack is performed, whether you hit something or not, there is a loud sound of metal banging against itself and it plays again each time it makes contact with an object. When the screen fills up with enemies and they are attacking you and you want to break free, a cacophony of chaos blasts through the already sub-par speakers and I have to race to press mute before my ear drums bleed.

The story behind the Transformers universe is relatively simple. There are good robots, Autobots, and evil robots, Decepticons, forever locked in battle for the powerful All Spark, a key to limitless energy and power. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen at least sticks to this simple storyline because we don't want to get another messianic Optimus when he should just be kicking Megatron's butt. There are two separate storylines for each faction and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen makes you play through a few missions of each side before continuing with the other. It would have been a passably enjoyable experience if it weren't for its terribly boring gameplay.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen plays very similarly to shooters like Ikari Warriors or Contra because the only requirement is that you blast any enemy that gets in your way. You are given three lives to attempt each level and if you die before completing the level, then you have to start over from the beginning. (Ugh!) The problem is the pacing and execution of each level is so unpolished and random that it leaves you confused about what to do next.

You are given three ways to attack: each robot has a primary and secondary fire, melee attacks, and special powers. The primary fire is a wimpy stream of tissue paper that you must aim at your enemies. While firing, you become restricted in your movement and begin strafing. While strafing, you have to press either shoulder button to rotate the direction which you are firing. It would be nice to have a lock-on of any sort or a targeting system, but you get no such luck with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It continues to dish out one terrible idea after another and just when you thought the worst part was over, you get to the next level.

Transformers are known for being able to, well... TRANSFORM! I will never understand why Savage decided to make a game about cars turning into robots and not include the ability for a car to TRANSFORM into a freaking robot! They try to slide it in when you fill up a power meter and your robot turns into its respective vehicle for a brief second to deal damage. It is always a canned animation and because it leaves you in the robot state afterwards, it is a waste of effort and I would have rather had the screen go black than to tease you into thinking you get to drive your robot's vehicle.

There are other distractions besides the main story, including lengthy driving sequences, Ad-Hoc co-op, and challenges to unlock concept art. But honestly, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is hard enough on its own because of asinine design choices that I couldn't imagine what the game would think of as a "challenge." The only enjoyment that I got out of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was looking at concept art from the G1 animated series on the PSP's beautiful LCD screen. The rest was tedious and dull.

There isn't any way for me to rate how hard Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen truly is because I couldn't beat it. I would like to think I am an accomplished gamer. I have beaten numerous Mega Man games and a few in the Ninja Gaiden series, but I cannot put myself through another attempt to beat Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. There isn't anything hard about the concept. Simply aim and shoot at any bad guys that you see and make your way through an arbitrary part of the level and wait for the robots to decide you are finished.

I thought it would be easiest to run past all of the enemies and race to the end of the level so I could see the end, but your character moves too slowly to be of any real use and enemies absorb bullets like a sponge absorbs water. Dozens of enemies fill the screen and the time that it takes to destroy one of them is enough time for six others to launch their entire arsenal at you when you weren't looking. If you make it to the first escort mission, you will understand how greatly the odds are stacked against you before you even put the UMD in the tray.

Like I said earlier, the controls are just as broken as the gameplay design. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen locks you in one direction when you fire with (Square) and you must press (L) or (R) to rotate the direction that you are aiming. It might work well if random glitches didn't make you stop firing in the direction you were aiming and instead shoots in the direction you were moving.

There is an evasive maneuver assigned to (X), but it is simply useless. You would think that it might be similar to a dodge roll in God of War so that you might roll in the direction you were moving, but it isn't. It always dodges to the immediate left or right of your Transformer. (I think it prefers left.) If you are against a wall, though, and you press (X), then nothing happens. Nothing happens! I don't think I have ever yelled at my PSP before, but Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen made sure that I was channeling the foul-mouthed Angry Video Game Nerd during the entire time.

I know it might be kind of a waste to spend so long on a game that I ultimately will never recommend to anyone reading this site, but Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a special case. I know who the franchise appeals to and I know how excitable Transformer's fans can be (including myself.) I want to be as clear as possible on the matter. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is not a good Transformers game nor is it a good game for the platform. No fan should think that they will enjoy it regardless of how devoted they may be. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is plagued with bugs and truly awful gameplay. It should be avoided by any means and deserves to be disassembled and melted down for scrap for failing us.