"ZOMG Cloud versus Sephiroth!!!1" If that kind of fanboyism is threaded throughout your identity as a gamer, I really don't know why you're reading this -- you already own Dissidia: Final Fantasy. If you couldn't care less about matching blitzball champion Tidus against his father Jecht or Esper-human hybrid Terra Branford against terrorist clown Kefka Palazzo, you're not going to give two hoots about Dissidia. This review is for those of you who are on the fence. Hopefully, by the end you'll know which side you need to hop off to.

Dissidia is one of the best-looking games on the PSP. Stellar-looking full-motion videos are part of the territory when it comes to Square Enix games, but the game looks fantastic in action, as well. The animation work is superb and character models are easy on the eyes, even if many of the male heroes look borderline female. The environments are outstandingly well-crafted, and many of them are destructible to boot. The Menus are slick and streamlined, which is quite a feat for a game that has so many of them. The only real problem is that the camera will occasionally become uncooperative. You can opt to complete a data install -- you can choose from three sizes, as well. I went for the largest install, which is about half a gigabyte. As a result, load times were almost completely taken out of the picture.

Dissidia contains a treasure trove of Nobuo Uematsu's Final Fantasy work. None of the tracks are taken from their original sources; after all, 16-bit music probably wouldn't sound at home in this kind of game. However, the music is excellent through and through. The voice acting doesn't fare as well. Some veterans have returned to reprise their roles (James Arnold Taylor as Tidus and Steve Burton as Cloud), and many characters who previously didn't have voices finally get to speak. Plus, the ever-awesome Keith David landed the role of Chaos. Know that when I say the voice acting is bad, it's not because of the performances. Rather, it's because the dialogue is so laughably bad -- which brings me to my next point.

It appears that Kingdom Hearts may be the only "clash of the gaming universes" game that will ever be able to cobble together a passable narrative. Dissidia: Final Fantasy's story is nothing more than a thinly-veiled excuse to get all your favorite Final Fantasy characters into the same arena. All you need to know is that Cosmos, the goddess of harmony, is on the brink of being toppled by Chaos, the god of discord. The lack of balance in the universe will lead to the end of life as we know it, yadda yadda yadda, collect the strongest warriors for your side and fight for what you believe in, blah blah blah. Most importantly, go get the crystals, blah yadda blah yadda. I know I've turned the whole thing into a pathetic joke, but believe me when I tell you, it wasn't much of a stretch.

At first glance, Dissidia is primarily an action-RPG with some tactical-RPG elements thrown in for good measure. You've got your two-player local multiplayer and a ton of extra stuff to do, but Story Mode is the linchpin that holds it all together. It begins with most of the heroes split into groups of around three and scattered over the universe. You choose the hero you want and then go about finding your crystal by conquering board game-like levels. Completing boards in the most efficient way (conserving your Destiny Points, which are used to move your character) usually earns you bonuses.

Of course, everything I've just explained has almost nothing to do with what everyone knows about Dissidia: it's essentially a fighting game. It's always a one-on-one battle, so you don't need to worry about multiple enemies like you did in Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII. You start out with a set number of abilities at your disposal, and you use them to take each enemy down. It's not the most satisfying fighting action you'll get out of a game, but it's fast, flashy, and above all, fun.

I've barely even talked about the stable of heroes and villains to choose from. The developers have chosen the protagonist and primary antagonist from each Final Fantasy game up to the tenth installment, although there are a few unlockable characters that I won't spoil. My only complaint with regards to the character selection is that Ultimecia (arguably one of the most boring and disposable villains in Final Fantasy history) was chosen as Final Fantasy VIII's Chaos fighter.

Dissidia: Final Fantasy can be a really difficult game, especially if you whiz through the tutorials in your impatience to get to the action. There's a lot to learn about this game, and you'll need to get it down if you want to take down the likes of Golbez and Kuja. Once you learn how to play, Dissidia can still be a difficult game. Most enemies can be put down quickly, but many of the boss enemies are extremely aggressive. If you've got the reflexes and a good sense of timing, you'll appreciate the challenge Dissidia offers.

Right out of the gate, you'll start unlocking stuff... a lot of stuff. Dissidia is the kind of game that really wants you to play it: it actually assigns you a "Play Plan," which is based on how hardcore a player you consider yourself to be. You are literally showered with rewards every time you do something, and it provides good incentive to come back. There are a ton of items to unlock and there is lots of equipment to earn, and this makes the game very addictive, even if much of the fighting doesn't last very long.

Naturally, there's more to Dissidia: Final Fantasy's combat system than what I explained earlier. To start, your character can move freely and quickly through each arena. You can dash through the air, dodge and block attacks, and even engage in a little parkour. There are different kinds of attacks: the Bravery attack and the HP attack. The HP attack is almost self-explanatory -- it allows you to do actual physical damage to your opponent. The Bravery attack needs a bit of explaining. The largest numbers on the screen during each fight represent the Bravery of your character and your opponent. The amount of Bravery you have at the time of an HP attack directly affects how much physical damage you can do to your opponent. In order to gain more Bravery and do more HP damage, you must do Bravery attacks, which sap your opponent's Bravery. If your Bravery is high enough, you can end the fight with one HP attack. Learning the right times to use Bravery attacks and HP attacks is challenging, and it's the key to playing well.

Another couple of key mechanics that fit nicely into the mix are EX Mode and Summonstones. You can choose to grab the EX Core when it appears on the field and unleash a Limit Break-esque finishing move. Later in the game, you can use a Summonstone to call forth one of several impossibly powerful beings to utterly destroy your opponent.

Hopefully by now, you know whether or not Dissidia: Final Fantasy is the game for you. If you don't like Final Fantasy, you're immune to it's main appeal. If you do like Final Fantasy and are not bothered by mindless fanservice, you'll probably dig it. To those of you who eat, sleep, and breathe crystals... like I said, I know you already own it.